For my main series “Totalitarian football” I’m going to be managing the made up club CSKA Aransk in the made up post-Soviet totalitarian Communist nation of Bordavia. I have covered the creation process in a series called “Creating Club and Country”:
The idea from the beginning was for CSKA Aransk to get invited into the Russian league system, where most of the adventure would take place. I was going to create a Bordavian league, but only the top tier, as a backdrop. However, after a literal hurricane of interest in getting involved in this adventure the idea took a turn into something completely different. Over 60 people have reached out and contributed with ideas for towns and clubs and stories. Bordavia has turned into a mystic but rather grim nation, full of quirks, stories and lore. I fell in love with both the commitment shown by you and the nation of Bordavia, which has lead to the creation process of an entire Bordavian database. This has been a real team effort, which I have enjoyed massively, but it has also meant that I haven’t had much time to write blog posts or record YT videos. Therefore I thought I’d kill two birds with one stone, by sharing stories from the nation of Bordavia up until the db release around Christmas.
If you want to read the other stories you can find them here.
Today’s story comes from SalmonFM and tells the story of “his” town in Bordavia; Lososyagorod! SalmonFM has a great YouTube channel where he is currently running a Motherwell series and also chats to different content creators in his Sunday show “Football Moaning”.
The story of “Salmon City”
It was the 1st of September when the 1st official bear murder took place, a day the city’s mayor hailed as the day Lososyagorod (translates into Salmon City) took the fishery’s back from the ongoing bear incursions.
It was long believed that in 1971, the bears were only made aware of Lososyagorod’s rich Salmon waters after the town of Tambopul played an American high school style prank by depositing a female bear near the school where Tanbopuls’s secondary school was due to play Lososyagorod’s secondary school at football.
With the female bear in place, flocks of male bears started following her scent. For many years the bears had feasted on salmon with no issues until that day in September of 1975, the salmon finally had enough. With ferocious leaps they soon had the bears on the run.
With the city’s people caught in the middle of the unusual animal war waging around them, they sought solace in football, regularly packing out the stadium for Lovit Rybu Lososyagorod matches, they love nothing more than setting off flares and eating fish and chips on the terraces.
However when Klad Tambopul comes to town, even the bears and the fish stay away!
Addition from Mikaelinho – Lososyagorod in the database
The town of Lososyagorod (and neighbouring town Tambopul) is located in the northeastern part of Bordavia. The town has one team, Lovit Rybu Lososyagorod, that play in the 4th tier of Bordavian football, in the regional Divizion 2 North East. Of course their fierce rivals Klad Tambopul are in the same division.
Does this sound interesting? Maybe you can be the manager who stops the Salmon/bear wars once for all and shows those pesky Tambopulians who’s boss!?
This was the fourteenth “Tale from Bordavia” and I’d like to thank SalmonFM for his great contribution. There will be a new one every day leading up to Christmas. I hope you’ll enjoy these little stories and that they will spark an interest large enough to follow my main series “Totalitarian Football” and maybe even try the database when it comes out!?
I stream my “Building Bordavia” creation process on Twitch on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. Come hang out and say hi!
I also upload episodes about the creation process to my YouTube channel. Make sure you subscribe so you don’t miss any content!
OK, in retrospect that high school prank got out of hand a little bit but Lososyagorod is hardly innocent in all of this. Who can ignore the annual ‘Salmon Slap’, where Lososyagorod residents invade Tambopul late at night and break into the homes of unsuspecting residents and slap them with cold salmon whilst they are sleeping peacefully in their beds. Are we meant to just tolerate that kind of behaviour?
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